How NOT to Write a Fundraising Letter

Here's how you SHOULD NOT start a college fundraising letter. Even though I'm fond of my beloved alma mater, the pretentious & awful writing in the first few paragraphs of this letter made me want to lash out and rob the school rather than reward them with my hard-earned cash:

Dear _____,

At [your alma mater], the harvest season is upon us, arbiter between waning summer and waxing winter. If you close your eyes and concentrate, you might recall a familiar scene. In the foreground, crisp mountain air acts as conduit for the hearty din coming from the Campus Center. Students greet each other energetically, each exhalation transformed into opaque crystals that magnify the deciduous polychromatic backdrop. From the courtyard, you can see condensation on the outside of your heated room while you study for upcoming final exams.

Although our last fall at [college] was five years ago, most of us remember this season at [college] to be a busy and joyous time. As we get older, the value placed on good friends and family increases. While holiday joy unites you and your loved ones, take a moment to reflect on your friends - past and present. Adherent to the sentimentality of the holidays, we want to encourage our class to seize the opportunity to give back to our alma mater.